Fix me right meow
by MrsMailJeevas
Summary: Matt wakes up to find Mello's been...turned into a cat? What's worse is that Matt is terribly allergic but he can't just leave his best friend out in the kitty house. He has to man up and fix Mello before things get too out of hand. If it's no trouble please review.
1. Chapter 1

Authors note: It's crack. I was reading another story and suddenly went, maybe I should make Mello a cat. It's all good. It won't be long probably, or maybe it will. Who knows, I guess it just depends on how I feel.

So basically this chapter is a cracked out version of how Matt views the world and then gets the hell scared out of him. Warning, if you don't read this it's not my fault. There is some serious language and mentioning of drugs but nothing too bad. I couldn't stop laughing while I wrote it so I hope you that you laugh too. If you enjoy, review and I'll keep going. Anyway, read, review and enjoy.

**_Fix me right meow_**

Chapter one

Matt groaned stifling a yawn that threatened to release itself from him lips. He used the coffee table to pull himself into a sitting position, something that Mello would definitely frown upon if he were home. For once Matt was actually happy that he wasn't. If Mello wasn't home he was free to roam and do whatever he pleased. He could leave the shower running for hours and forget about it because some fucker shot him in the face on Call of Duty and it called for some serious amount of ownage. He could order pizza and ask the pizza man to draw the most bad ass picture of a dragon pissing on Kira or he could fall asleep in the living room blaring music at three in the morning. Yeah, sometimes life was really good when Mello wasn't home.

That wasn't to say that he didn't worry about the blond and he didn't want him to come home. Of course he wanted Mello home but he also liked to feel like the King once in a while. When Mello was home everything went Mello's way because there would be hell to pay otherwise. Hell meaning the second the blond realized he wasn't getting his way he freaks out. He throws stuff, screams and worst of all punches. Mello was all order and anger and Matt was…Matt. There was no better way to explain himself.

1) Everything didn't always have to be clean. Cleaning was for losers with the exemption of Mello. More because Mello would get pissy if Matt called him a loser. Sore point, Near, you wouldn't understand.

2) Everything did not always have to have a set time and place. Okay, maybe Matt liked to sit up and play games until three in the morning. So fucking what? That's what he wanted to do. That's what he did. When he was winding down the motherfuckers in Asia were just getting up and that meant more fucking ownage than they could handle. Umad Asia? Good.

3) Videogames weren't just something to do. They were a way of life. Fuck. Motherfucking. Yes. Mello had once asked Matt if he would put his own mother on the street corner to fund his game addiction because it was breaking him. Matt's answer? FUCK YEAH. Okay, no, not really. Maybe he had only thought it. Mello would have been pissed with that whole honor they mother and father cult thing he had going on.

So right now Matt was feeling pretty damn good. Well, he would be when he figured out what was really going on. He stood shakily eying the door. He was positive that he would have known if Mello came home. Typically the blond was irritated and kicked him awake. He didn't feel bruised so Mello wasn't home.

He checked his shirt. Hole. He frowned, he must have dropped another cigarette…which meant he fell asleep holding a cigarette…oh hell. He glanced down at the floor and nearly lost it. He had burnt a hole in Mello's carpet. If he knew he didn't have a call to action right then and there he would have passed out. Mello was simple as he was hard.

1) Don't put your hands on the wall.

2) Don't burn holes in the carpet.

3) No, Matt seriously. If you put a hole in my carpet I'm going to kill you.

He winced at the thought. Mello had the eyes of a cat. They zeroed, narrowed and everything. It was like he had videogame vision without playing videogames. Matt guessed it was useful when they were in trouble. Mello was always in control. That part sucked though.

He grabbed his keys, jacket and cellphone heading out the door. He dialed Mello's number. So what if Mello said not to call him at work. Some things were more important like not getting fucked over by your own poor decisions. It rang. And rang. And rang before the voicemail picked up. He glanced down at the phone, hopefully he was on some kind of deadly mission and wouldn't make it home. Soon. Wouldn't make it home soon.

He unlocked the door, "Mello's going to take my head off. I have to put down new carpet. Got to get to the carpet store. Got to get to the carpet store." He paused slamming the door heavily behind himself before nearly tripping over something on the floor. He cursed, stumbled, caught himself and then stumbled again.

"Mother fucking cat. I hate cats." He hissed covering his nose quickly. He just didn't like animals, they made him sick. The cat gave an indignant hiss before swatting at the red head lightly. "Get away."

It hissed again swatting at his leg again, claws digging into his pant leg, as if to get his attention. Matt ignored it pulling himself back up and heading towards the lift. He didn't have time for minor things like that. Right before the doors closed Matt heard the sound of scampering…paws? He turned and that cat was sitting in between the closing doors glaring daggers in him with the brightest blue eyes he had seen in his life.

It actually made him pause in lighting his cigarette. "The fuck are you looking at? Creepy ass cat. I hate cats, don't you get it." He thought that he heard it cough, almost as if it were mocking him. He had a right mind to kick it. "Move the hell out the way. I have somewhere to go.

Another the cough came. "Matt, don't freak out."

Matt glanced around lightly. He thought back to the previous night thinking about all the things he did.

Played games? Check.

Owned people online? Check?

Checked all his scores? Check

Texted Mello? ….No. Damn.

Gotten high? …No.

No seriously, gotten high? …..Still no.

He blinked several times before the voice said again, "Matt, don't freak out."

He glanced down watching the cat's eyes watch him. It was still sitting there preventing the doors from closing. It was still staring at him. It was still watching him and then it clicked. A fucking cat was talking to him and telling him not to freak out.

There was no use in lying. Matt freaked out. He made a noise mixed between a scream and a squeal backing himself almost painfully loud against the walls of the lift. His eyes never left the cat which watched him with uncomfortable eyes. How the hell could the cat look uncomfortable? He was the uncomfortable one. THE CAT WAS TALKING. HOLY HELL THE CAT WAS TALKING. HOLY MOTHERFUCKING MARIO THE CAT KNEW HIS NAME.

"Matt." The red head blinked his eyes gazing up at the ceiling. Man, whatever he was tripping on he should never touch it again. It had him hallucinating. Usually it was something nice…like Mello in full stripper gear on a pole that materialized in their living room. He liked those hallucinations because they weren't hallucinations precisely they were fantasies. "Matt you fainted. Bitch." The voice sounded again.

He blinked again. "God…is that you? I'm not even going to lie I didn't know you were real. I mean…you seem so impossible. Bullshit actually but there's this guy that I know named Mello. He'll totally vouch for me."

A sigh. "Matt, what are you talking about?" The voice was annoyed and surprisingly quiet. "Sit up before someone comes." The cat, golden furred that looked brushed to perfection watched him. Aloud it said, "Thank you. Can we go in the house before someone sees me."

Matt shook his head frantically. "I'm still tripping out." He closed his eyes tightly. "Tripping the fuck out. Hard. So hard it makes that time I stripped down and danced on the balcony look soft."

"What? I don't even…Matt get up." The voice was strict, annoyed and suddenly so familiar. "Matt, I swear if you don't get up I'll shoot you in the face."

Matt blinked, "But kitties can't pack heat." He replied in a serious voice.

Blue eyes narrowed, "Does it fucking matter? Fine, I'll claw your eyes stop. Take me in the house. It's me Mello."

Authors note: I needed something to laugh at and Matt freaking out got more than a chuckle. This is also what my brain does 72 hours without sleep. I'm so tired. It sucks. Anyway review.


	2. Chapter 2

Authors note: This story had an amazingly good reception. It will only be a few chapters so enjoy it while it lasts. Mello's still a cat and has to get Matt to do what he needs. Things get weird because well, Mello's acting like a cat. The next chapters will include gypsies, more people Mello pisses off, Matt getting hit by purses and a laser pointer. Good times, so read, review and enjoy.

Chapter Two

"Matt don't be like that." Narrowed blue eyes watched him from the other side of the room but the red head remained standing awkwardly in the corner with his face stuck in a sort of mixture of horror and fascination. If he could have thought of anyone that would have taken this better he would have gone to them but Matt was his only hope. Oh God in Heaven, why was Matt his only choice? Oh yeah, he didn't have any other friends but at least Matt was a genius. Or so they claimed all these years, he was starting to think that Matt being in Wammy house was some kind of sick joke old man Wammy came up with to fuck with the other students. "Seriously Matt, right now I need…"

"You're a talking cat. You're like fucking cat in the hat. You know that movie scared the hell out of me when we were kids. Why would you choose to get turned into a cat?" Matt's voice was nearly silent his eyes flickering everywhere but where the cat was sitting on the couch. Anyway he looked at it he wasn't high right now and with each passing moment he really wished he was. He had only left super cat one time and that was to check his stash. It was the same. Why Mario, why?

Mello blinked almost like he wanted to roll his eyes but Matt wasn't sure that was possible for a cat. "Yes Matt, I'm Mello the talking cat. As fucked up at this is…"

Matt continued to stare at him and Mello noticed with dawning fear that nothing he was saying was getting to the red head. "You're a talking cat."

Mello nodded using a paw to cover his eyes in exasperation. "Yes. I talk. I'm a cat. Listen to me." He watched and was pleased to notice that the look of absolute horror had dropped from the red head's face. At least that was some kind of progress. Or he thought it was until the man strolled past him, down the hallway and closed his bedroom door. "Holy bloody hell Matt? What are you doing?" He dropped from the couch which usually in his body would have been easy, graceful and even angelic but in his cat body he mistakened the fall and landed, roughly on his side. He didn't even know how it happened. He quickly recovered mumbling something close to, 'fucking lies,' because apparently cats didn't always land on their feet and that was why he limped down the hallway.

Everything was bigger as a cat. As much as he hated to admit it he was having a hard as hell time adjusting to not being himself anymore and Matt certainly wasn't helping. He didn't remember much that had happened that had led him here but he did know where his motorcycle was parked and how to get back to it. He would get right on that as long as Matt calmed down and helped him.

He clawed at the door making several attempts to jump towards the door knob before it occurred to him that he wouldn't be able to turn it. He resorted to clawing and mewling loudly. When that also didn't work he sat square in the middle of the floor glaring daggers at the door like that itself would be enough to get it to open.

The door opened and Matt walked out glancing around the hallway before sighing quietly almost as if in relief. "Matt?" He questioned watched the red head pause halfway out the room, look down at him and frown. "Are you done?" He sniffed the air and sighed, "Getting high again?"

Matt blinked, "I am now ready to deal with anything." He paused glancing up. "Did you know that last week I tried to count all of wood planks on the floor. Mello said I was stupid for it."

"I am Mello." The cat replied coolly earning a nod from the red head. It was progress.

xXx

"This is going to sound crazy but seeing as you're a cat you can't really stop me." Matt was still standing but due to his high state he had been quite attentive to Mello's outlined plan. He was to take Mello and get his motorcycle which meant that they would have to walk because it couldn't stay. They would then check everything to see if there were any clues about how to turn him back to normal. If not they would just have to go from there. Of course, Matt didn't want to do anything that dealt with outside. "We should call Near."

Mello hissed, his fur sticking up in full fury and anger. "No. No Near, we can do this ourselves."

"But you're a cat. What the hell can you do as a cat?" Mello noticed that Matt would not call him by his name while he was like this. He still didn't believe he was actually Mello.

Mello, who had been walking back and forth on the sofa, frowned. "Give you orders like I always do. That's what I can do as a cat." His voice had dropped into a dull growl. He glanced over at the red head who was sitting on the floor now and hopped down. He treaded carefully not wanting Matt freaked out on his hands again. "I have claws now." He said slowly as Matt nodded. "Do you know what that means?"

Matt smirked, "I should buy you a scratching post?" He offered. "They're not expensive, I could have it airmailed and you can have it as quickly as tomorrow morning. Maybe even some catnip. It would be pretty cash."

Mello sat directly in front of the other, "Matt please focus." He stared down at his paws in dismay. "I really just want…" His head bounced like a bobble doll. He glanced up to find the red head petting him. Well, patting him actually. "Matt, what the fuck? Stop touching me!" The red head ignored him picking up the golden cat and curling Mello into his arms. Matt scratched the bottom of his chin and Mello felt a deep vibrating rumbling in the hollows of his chest. Was he purring? It felt so good. His paws shot out to grab the hand that was petting him but Matt moved back before starting again. This game was awesome! Why had they never played it before?

"Who's a good kitty?" Matt's voice was distant but playful and childish. "Who's a good Mello kitty?"

_'I am. I'm a good Mello kitty.' _His brain supplied as he rolled around under the wiggling fingers.

"So when do you want to leave Mell?" Matt's voice was distant but entertained. "I have something I want to pick up while we're out anyway." He pulled his hand back watching as the golden cat swatted at the air in its wake. "Mell, you're acting like a cat."

Mello blinked several times before righting himself in Matt's arms. What had just happened? Had he serious just…Oh God. He shivered slightly. "Shut the fuck up Matt. I'm not a cat."

"Yes you are." The red head sat him unceremoniously on the floor and stood up. "You've clearly fucked with the wrong people this time. Look, I told you running all over the place like you own everything was going to end badly."

Mello gracefully moved across the floor away from the red head watching as he grabbed his keys. "I do own everything, especially you, now let's go."

Matt nodded, "Typical cat. Thinking you owe them. Watching you constantly. Judging." He shook his head slightly. "Let's get walking. This shit's gonna suck."

The cat followed with ease, "Maybe."

Matt paused before reaching the door. "Don't talk when we get out here. People will probably think it's me. I don't need any misunderstandings."

If Mello could smirk he would have. "Of course not." Time to pay Matt back for believing he's not Mello.

_**A special thanks to **_

_Awesomenessknowsnobounds_

_Van Hisagi _

_Carottal_

_Nukian_

_APH1168kittens_

_A guest _

_Smilexemptyxsoul_

_Anonymous Tokumei No_

_TragicAtBest13_

_Death By a Note_

_Kiterious_

_Thank you all for reviewing! I hope to see you again on the next chapter! _


	3. Chapter 3

Authors note: Well, here's the new chapter. I'm super excited and this chapter made me laugh. Mello is super cute. I didn't expect to have this kind of reception for this kind of story but thank you all those who have reviewed, favourited and alerted. I don't know how much longer this story is going to go on but here's the new installment. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it. School starts back in three weeks so classes mean less reviewing plus off campus I won't have Internet so that's going to hinder somethings. It will be starting in T-Minus two weeks exactly. I'll do what I can when I can. Anyway read, review and enjoy.

Chapter three

Being a cat was bad. Everything was huge, people nearly stepped on you and from time to time strangers wanted to pet you. Hard. So hard that you want to take their heads off with your claws but certain people *cough* Matt *cough* wouldn't let you. Not that Matt was much help on his own. Ever since they had left the apartment Matt had broken into a fit of sneezing and coughing attributing it to Mello's catness. Not that Mello cared, at all. He had bigger problems than listening to Matt talk about how he was dying and this was the least bad ass way to go out. Cat allergies. He then moved on into how much trouble Mello was and how he never signed up for this shit.

Well, tough shit because neither had Mello. So instead of talking to Matt about how much of a bitch he was being he opted for something that would cheer him up immediately. Matt, being the anti-social gamer that he was had many habits that he doubted that he noticed. One was that he would mumble quietly to himself about various problems or ideas. They weren't directed towards anyone in particular and Mello, after years of living with the red head, learned to just ignore it. But today it was a wonderful and easy and possibly fucked up way to get back at Matt.

He picked his target, a buxom blond hurrying on her way with her daughter in tow. Matt had stopped sneezing for a few seconds and had reverted into mumbling and he grinned.

_'Hey Ma. Nice tits, you got room for something else right there?' _Mello watched in odd satisfaction as the woman stopped and turned to look at him as if to say 'me?' Oh sweet lord yes. Matt hadn't even noticed. _'yeah bitch, I'm talking to you.' _

"How dare you?" The woman's voice broke through Matt's dream world. He looked up slightly confused taking the time to put his hands in his pocket. "You have no shame. I have my daughter with me you asshole." He fingered the purse by her side. Her eyes had narrowed into dark green orbs and her daughter looked on in interest.

Matt held his hands up, "Look, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't even know you." He was struggling not to make a run for it Mello noticed with happiness. He was caught in a situation that confused him and he couldn't act on his first instinct. There was something about Matt cornered that was adorable and cute.

She gave him a firm shove in the chest. He barely moved but he did look startled. "You're damn straight you don't know me. Don't pretend that you don't know what I'm talking about once I've caught your ass. Don't you ever talk to me like that."

Matt was having problems forming words. He opened and closed his mouth a few times and Mello turned his feline face away and mumbled, _"Look bitch, you got a body but your face is shit. You're lucky anyone wanted to knock you up for the fear your kid would look the same. Don't get privileged. You should feel good that someone would even think about looking at your ass." _

Her face flushed red, "You son of a bitch!" She hissed wacking Matt hard in the chest where she had previously shoved him. This time he took several steps back but she followed instantly continuing to beat him. It was comical and so totally worth it. Matt yelled about how he had no idea what was going on and she continued to scream at him with the little girl crying in her steed. Well, the little girl was ruining it a bit but whatever. It was worth it for Matt complaining about helping him.

Matt dodged the woman, "Mello I swear to God if you don't shut the fuck up." Another swift, hard and almost skull shattering knock came to the back of his head. "Lady, stop it."

_'Bitch, chill the fuck out." _It was nearly impossible to keep the laughter from his voice.

The woman straightened herself up, "You think this shit is funny? And where the fuck do you get off talking to my daughter like that?" She snatched her sobbing little girl by the arm. "Well?"

Matt glanced from the woman to the cat. "I wasn't. I was talking to Mello." He gestured downward towards the blond cat that tilted his head to the side and meowed softly.

The woman pushed her daughter behind her. "You're talking to a cat?" Mello meowed again for good measure. "You're fucking crazy. You should be in jail."

By this time a group of people had gathered to watch the freak talk about a woman and blame it on an innocent cat. Matt turned to the cag again, "Don't you dare fucking stick me with this Mello. I know it was you." Mello stared at him in confusion. He was even able to see the realization of the group of people that had gathered around to watch him. He covered his face and sighed. "Fuck you Mell." Another meow of innocence.

He didn't even bother staring with the woman who was telling her story to passerby's as he slipped through the crowd and disappeared around a corner to get away. Mello followed, he could hear the patter of his paws on the ground behind him. The blond had not only managed to fuck up his high but he had gotten him beat in the head by some crazy bitch and now everyone thought he was insane. He couldn't deal with this alone. He wouldn't deal with this alone.

"I'm calling Near." He said as soon as the cat was in earshot. "I was going to help you but this is bullshit. I'm not running around with my head cut off while you make trouble for me. Make trouble for Near."

Mello's eyes silted. "I'll never talk to you if you call Near. Matt, I'm so damn serious right now."

"Meow." Matt replied in a mime of Mello moments previously.

"Haha, so damn funny Matt. I'm serious, we can do this ourselves." He watched the red head check the street outside. It must have cleared because he begun back down the sidewalk shaking his head but Mello noted with sick satisfaction that he was no longer mumbling.

They arrived at Mello's bike sitting in a back alley behind a club most likely mafia owned. It looked untouched for one reason or another. "This is it, right?"

Mello sat in front of the wheel frowning, as if a cat could frown. "Don't ask stupid questions. Of course it's mine. Now let's get it out of here." He watched Matt check the side pockets before pulling out a set of keys. He didn't even have time to debate whether it was a good idea to have Matt drive his bike anywhere before the red head was picking him up and putting him in the side pouch. "Matt, can you even…" His voice trailed off when the red head put the helmet over his head. He couldn't hear him anymore and if he could it would be terribly muffled. This was bullshit.

If Matt spoke when he revved the engine Mello couldn't hear him even with his super enhanced cat hearing. He did feel the kick off and Matt speeding without stopping to the end of the street. The air burned his eyes as he blinked away the tears that kept forming. He couldn't lay down because he had to watch this idiot on his bike but this was scary shit. It took a few minutes, three missed red lights and a drift before he realized that he was hissing. It had started out as a deep, cool growl and the next minute his ears had pressed firmly to his head and he was fully hissing at the air like it was going to stop anytime soon.

Matt executed a perfectly illegal turn cutting off several lines of traffic before speeding through stopped cars and into oncoming traffic. If anything Mello could say Matt could drive, dangerously yes. Frightening, fuck yes. But the red head could drive better than anyone that he knew. At least that's what his brain was telling him while his body was bristled and claws digging into the material that he could touch on Matt. He was positive that the red head was bleeding but he didn't care. He deserved the blood.

The bike stopped and finally cut off while Mello was reduced into a series of shivered and convulsions at the bottom of the bag he had called a seat. They continued until he sprung at whatever was touching him. Claws extended and spitting with howling rage he lashed out at a finger that quickly retreated behind Matt while the red head continued to sneeze and cough.

He wound up on the floor shaking and turned away from the red head and stranger. He didn't even know where he was. He hated this. He couldn't stay a cat, it felt like he was losing his human self. He was slowly losing the part of him that made him Mello, though to his defense he was becoming more of a vicious bastard.

He couldn't even focus on the words of the people behind him. Something close was moving, fast across the floor. It caught his interest in a second as he listened intently for skittering feet.

Closer…

Closer…

Closest…

Fuck yeah. He darted, slid and swatted at whatever it was. Faintly he could hear Matt calling him back. He could hear the red head dropping to his knees to find him but he was too occupied. Whatever he had hit squeaked and desperately tried to get away from him. Tough luck, whatever it was was totally his now. He swatted again feeling it curl into a ball. He grinned happily picking up whatever it was into his mouth. Matt would be so proud of him. He caught this thing all by himself. Silly thing, it couldn't get away from him. Silly, silly dead thing. The blood he tasted didn't even bother him as he patted back across the floor and dropped the thing at Matt's feet.

"That's Mello?" A familiar, cold and dead voice questioned.

Mello felt the blood boil, but he wasn't sure why. He dropped down, body ridged and hissed. "Near."

The pale boy turned paler if that was possible. He opened his mouth but closed it back once more. Almost instantly his hand flew out and grabbed Matt's as if the gesture itself would calm him somehow. "Mello?" He questioned.

Mello ignored him, "I brought you something Matt. Did I do good?" He questioned watching the confusion register on the red heads face. He never let go of Near's hand though. "Right? Good? Right?"

Matt swallowed, bending down to the others level to pet him. "That's right Mell. Thank you…for bringing me…a dead mouse." He forced a smile.

If Mello noticed the sarcasm he didn't let on. "Oh yay! You're welcome! He tried to get away bit he couldn't. That's when I caught him for you."

Near frowned, "Maybe you should come up Matt." It was clear that he thought this was some form of joke.

Mello glared, "Shut up. We are talking about how I caught that thing. That mouse. Yes, I caught it."

Matt scooped Mello into his arms releasing Near's hand in the process. Mello felt a slight satisfaction at that. "We're going to visit someone for a while. They'll get you some toys to play with Mell." Matt looked pale. "It'll be okay."


End file.
